To the Mom Who's Been Told Her Child Is a Problem to Solve
You’re not failing.
You’re just exhausted from trying to solve a puzzle that was never meant to be solved — because your child is not a puzzle.
They are a person.
Maybe it happened in the waiting room,
when your child screamed and bolted toward the door, and the other parents glanced away.
Maybe it happened in the kitchen,
when they tore up the PECS cards you spent two hours laminating.
Maybe it was the third IEP meeting where no one used your child’s name.
And somewhere in all that, someone told you — with words or just silence —
that your child was a problem.
That your job was to fix them.
But what if the goal is wrong?
What if your child’s way of being isn’t a deviation — but a difference?
What if “no eye contact” isn’t rejection, but regulation?
What if the meltdown isn’t defiance — but overload?
What if the things that make your child hardest to explain…
are the very things that make them whole?
What if flapping hands in the grocery aisle
isn’t cause for apology — but the clearest sign they trust you enough to be real?
You don’t have to be an expert.
You don’t have to agree with every voice you hear.
But you deserve better than shame disguised as support.
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
And your child does not need to be made into someone else to be loved, respected, or understood.
Let that truth in. Let it sit.
There is another way.
And it begins with listening — not to the next program,
but to your child.
And maybe, when you’re ready,
to autistic people who grew up in the same story your child is just beginning.
We’re here.
Not to judge you.
To walk beside you.